that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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