i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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