I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
