I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
