my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
