piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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