And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
