had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
