Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
