Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
