Swine flu. Run for my life!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
