"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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