I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
ttyl tear gas
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
