She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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