I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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