1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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