Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm jealous of your bromance
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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