There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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