I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
