I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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