I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
