I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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