I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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