Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
