What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
