i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
