Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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