I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
