What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
