God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
COCAINE IS GR8
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