i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
