I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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