Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
