Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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