I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
