I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
