High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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