You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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