There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i now understand why vodka
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
