Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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