I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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