i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
