dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My vagina just recognized that song.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
