this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
