i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
