So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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