I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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