I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
