It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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