he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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